At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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