we're blogging at a bar
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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