That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
