i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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