after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
