You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So. Much. Porn.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
