The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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