I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
