How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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