He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
