people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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