i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i believe in u and ur pee
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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