I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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