i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
