'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
