if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
