Your face is a jimmy john
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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