I heard we made out
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
