Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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