He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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