I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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