We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize