its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
