Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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