I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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