Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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