You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
