Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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