FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
