Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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