Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
