I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
