she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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