i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
