I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
