I love black thongs
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize