I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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