sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
