More tranny stories later!
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
