I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize