Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize