I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
