Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
