Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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