Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
