i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
