Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
two words: eviction party
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize