are you still at the devil's house?
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
