i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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