I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize