That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
