youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
