your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
