you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
