i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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