i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
