There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Text me some of your sweat
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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