I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish there were birth control emojis
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
