jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
