what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
