why im i the only drunk person in the library?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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