Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
